We all have those moments where you want to hide in a bubble and scream until you can't scream anymore... Just like we all have those moments where all we want to do is freeze time and stay in a moment so we are able to cherish every detail and every smell... Well, I can honestly say that my whole life has been filled with moments I want to forget and moments I fear forgetting...
My daughter and I have been growing together and learning together from the very start. From the first moment I found out I was pregnant with her. Before Finding out I was pregnant I never thought I would have time for a family or the capacity in my life to love someone as much as I love her! I feared having a child because I was so driven in getting my career off the ground and having my career take me around the world, but ultimately taking me to Canada for a few years so I was able to grow and able to make a difference in this world. I studied Social Work and my passion was, and still is, with the youth of our world. I wanted to see and create a world where our youth weren't over looked for being just that, YOUTH! It's strange how 1 decision can change your world and your views in such a drastic manner. However, the decision to have my little girl be a part of all I wanted to be was a decision that didn't need much time at all. I wouldn't change it for the world because she has shown me and taught me things I never really fully understood but always thought I had some idea about.
My little girl is this strong willed, boisterous and loving human being who has shown me that even with emotion based thinking and rational thinking you will always butt heads at some point or another. Now don't get me wrong, I have never thought it would be smooth sailing with no hick-ups while I raise this darling little girl who listens to all I say and would only do the right thing. However, I also didn't think that we would have to face some of the troubles that we have had to face. It's been great facing challenges we have faced though as it has helped us grow our relationship and it has helped me understand where she is coming from over the years. There are some challenges that we have managed to completely destroy but there are those challenges that have left me questioning my parenting skills and my own life skills. These have been the challenges that we have continuously had to work on as they have come in different levels of challenging.
The weekend just passed is a great example of a challenge that came through on a whole new level that we had never experienced before. We had the pleasure (or rather the discomfort) of dealing with a tantrum that we have never quite managed to escalate to in the past. A tantrum that left us both concerned about what was going on in her little mind. A tantrum that started all because she wanted a pram for her dolly instead of the magnets builders. A tantrum that could've been avoided with a simple "No thank you" or a "Yes please". The saddest part of this tantrum was even though I was waiting for her and wanting her to talk to me about what was going on, there was nothing I could say or do to make things better for her. That was the most heartbreaking moment for me. We ended up having to leave the shop we were in and headed towards the parents room where we went into the bathroom stall and had to sit and wait while she tried her best to explain why her heart was sore. All I managed to get was 3 simple little sentences; "Mommy I'm tired. I need a cuddle" , "If I don't get a pram for my doll then she will die because she's too heavy to carry" and lastly, "Mommy I'm sorry, I'm just very tired and need a pram to carry my dolly". How can you be upset when she keeps telling you she's tired and needs a cuddle? How are you meant to talk to her and explain that her behavior is unacceptable when she is kicking you, pinching you, scratching you and screaming at you in the middle of a shopping mall?
I very quickly learning that sometimes she gets extremely overwhelmed and sometimes she just needs a cuddle. No she did not get the pram or the magnets and nor will she with that behavior. Yes I did give her a cuddle but I also explained to her that I did not want to be hurt if she is upset. I held her close and reminded her that no matter what I will always love her but I then reminded her that she needs to treat others as she would like to be treated. I reminded her that we need to work hard for the things we have and when someone offers to buy you a gift, you do not throw your toys out the cot and explode because it may not be what you were wanting. You say thank you and appreciate it all. You need to remember she is only 3 years old so different wording was used but she still needs to learn. When you misbehave you don't get the treat but when you behave and have manners there's a chance you may be rewarded. In saying this though, I had to learn that sometimes a cuddle and a "Sorry" doesn't fix the behavior that has happened. I had to learn that removing her from the situation means I am going to look like a terrible mother who is being mean to her child but at the end of the day the people judging me have only seen a snippet of the events that have unfolded and they haven't been present for all of the events leading up to the big tantrum.
I have always had an understanding with Harper that when she is tired that all she needs to do is ask for a cuddle and I will drop everything I am doing to ensure I am able to cuddle her. So it has definitely been a learning experience where I wasn't able to drop everything to cuddle her because there were so many other factors going om alongside the tiredness she was feeling. We got there in the end though. She clung to me, gave me a kiss and a cuddle, apologized to Jonny for her behavior and she understood that she wasn't getting the pram or the magnets because of her behavior. I have to admit, Jonny was a champ through it all. He calmly gave me the keys to the truck and said he would finish off our shopping for us and then would meet me once we had finished. He even offered to deal with the tantrum on multiple occasions but I felt this was one I needed to do as her mom and a because it had escalated to a level we had never seen before this. Harper and I needed to figure out where we were at and what we needed to do to descale the tantrum and to be able to communicate with each other about why it had escalated but also why she was not getting either of the toys. I also felt like she needed to realise that as much as I love being her friend, my first job in life is to parent her. To protect her and to comfort her but also to guide her in life by teaching her what is right and wrong. Once I have been her parent then yes, we will definitely play like we are best friends and support each other like we are sisters.
What are some of the things you have done or said that have made you question your parenting?
How have you dealt with meltdown tantrums?
What are some of the tricks and things that you do to help yourself and your little ones get through a tantrum to be able to hug and laugh at the end?
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