The guy who let me talk his ears off...

I don't normally talk about my personal life unless it's my close friends who are listening but I definitely feel like I can make an exception today... I honestly never thought I was going to ever open my heart to anyone new in my life, let alone open my life to someone who would be around my beautiful little girl.

I was at a point of my life where I was not interested in having anyone come into my life and be apart of the chaos that we were living in. I also wasn't quite sure if I was ready to have someone in our lives who would be taking up time with my family and also being someone in my life that I suddenly needed to make time for... but it didn't feel like that with him. It started with us chatting about everything from what we doing to what we had planned for the weekend. Everything seemed so easy and so relaxed. Almost as though we had been friends for years! He was so understanding when it came to the evening routine and me being unavailable to chat which was quite refreshing. I never felt like I had to try and reply as soon as he had messages, I never felt like I was being ignored either and most importantly I never felt like I wasn't being listened to. It was quite the opposite actually. for the first time, in a very long time, I wasn't the one asking all the questions and never giving the answers. I have to admit though, I started feeling sorry for the poor guy because I ever talked about was my daughter and my work..

Long story short, my daughter and I ended up going to my mom's house for dinner on a Saturday evening where my daughter decided she didn't want to go with me anymore but wanted to rather have a sleepover with her granny instead. Now normally this would be ok and actually quite fun as I am still normally the one to put her to bed and then make sure I am back there early in the morning to say good morning to her but this night she didn't want me there at all. She just wanted her Granny time. Now normally when they have time together I can organise to meet up with some friends or at least get my groceries done, but this was a night where my daughter had ditched me for granny time and my friends had already all made their own plans so there was nothing I could do but go home and just relax or clean up now. Luckily for me, he messaged me and actually asked what my daughter and I were up to that evening to which I replied, "I have actually been ditched by my 2 year old! What are you up to?" Now I have to be clear and say, I did not ask so I could suggest a catch up at all, I simply asked to be polite. But we ended up arranging to have a coffee together that night instead of me just sitting at home as I had done for so many weekends before.I have to admit, I was a little excited when he asked if I wanted to head out and catch up. I was excited because it had been a really long time since I had been asked out on a date but also because I felt like I had come to know him quite well but it felt weird because suddenly this person that I had come to know and really enjoyed talking to was suddenly becoming very real.

Before I tell you about the coffee date I need to be honest and tell you that when it comes to men I can be very awkward. I am friendly and will talk to anyone so quite often someone can misinterpret this as flirting, even though I don't mean for it to be! A few friends always joke and say that I friend-zone men without even thinking that maybe there could be something or without even giving it a chance first. I also get quite nervous around men because I don’t always know what they want from me but I am not really interested in depending on a man to be happy. I am very happy being single and I am more than happy to just have myself, my daughter, my family and my friends in my life! Again, I am not one for having to make time and having to work hard at something that clearly isn’t meant to be. If it’s not easy going and natural then I’m not really interested sorry. I believe friendships and relationships of any status needs to be something that impacts your life in a positive and exciting way not something you have to tirelessly work at day in and day out. I also didn't have much confidence in myself in a face to face situation as I was still working on finding the old me. I had come out of a toxic relationship that had its ups and downs but mainly left me withdrawn, low in life and believing I didn’t deserve to be happy so for me to go out on a coffee date made me incredibly nervous! Why on earth would anyone go on a date with a single mom? Everybody knows there is always baggage that comes with a single mom but more importantly there is no consistency with dating a single mom. Dates can be canceled at the last minute, past relationships can interfere with the present relationship and kids are always fun but can come with complications as well. So again I ask, why would anyone want to date a single mom?

So we arranged to head to a cafe which I assumed was half way between the two of us, turns out it wasn’t, and we actually had a great evening! Or at least I had a great night while the guy had a night filled with a single mother, who clearly doesn’t get out and around other adults much, babbling on about life with a toddler and the great adventures that have happened. Adventures such as labour, pregnancy, toddler stories and of course the trials and tribulations of tantrums. Such a great date! However, it wasn’t until I was on my way home from the date when I realised I had spent about 4.5 hours talking about single mom life and the apple of my eye and he just sat there asking questions and listening to everything I had to say! I couldn’t believe that he just sat there, drinking his hot chocolate, listening to me babble on nervously. How on earth is someone like this even real? However, it wasn't until I sent him a message apologising for the babble that I suddenly thought to myself that it is perfectly ok to apologise and walk away without another date. As lovely as he was and as awesome as it had been talking to him I would be ok with not having another date. After all I probably came across as a slight psycho who doesn't get out of the house much and just spends time with her daughter… I honestly wasn't expecting anything else from him at all. He now knew my about my past with my daughters dad, my past with moving countries and also my current situation with my daughter.

I thought for sure I had blown any chance i had and thought to myself that hopefully we could still chat and hopefully become friends at least, which is the weirdest thing right? How silly was I for thinking we could still be friends? On the bright side that evening made me realise I wasn't the sad, boring person I thought I had become. I was still able to hold a conversation with another adult and best of all, an adult male, even if all I talked about my daughter. It was a great step towards me being the old Dominique again and it was exciting because another adult who wasn't a family member or old friend actually wanted to spend time with me in person. I was actually interesting enough to be asked to have a coffee date with someone who didn't feel responsible for me. How great was that?

Best part about the date was the fact that after I had messaged him apologising he was interested in a second date with me! To say that I was slightly excited is an understatement but to say I wasn't nervous is a huge lie. I was beyond nervous and sat with butterflies in my stomach for weeks and weeks. How on earth was I meant to go on a second date and not talk about the apple of my eye? What could i even talk about? I don't live an exotic life style, I am a single mother and my hobbies include finding new parks, new coffee shops that are child friendly and finding new spots around our city where I will have new adventures with my little girl without breaking the tight budget. So why on earth would someone want a second date with me and what on earth was I going to talk about?